Typewriter Print

TYPEWRITER. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

Two Things are Wrong About This Photo.

TWO. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

1. Smoking is bad for you

2. Smoking is bad for you, at a gas station.

Inflation is a Bitch.

NUMERAL FRUSTRATION. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

$388.85 for a gallon of milk.

Spill Your Guts!

GOSSIP. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

This is What’s in My Socket.

SOCKET. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

How MEN Make Hot Dogs.

ARROGANCE. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

A Meal Like This Will Earn Respect.

EARNED LEADERSHIP. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

Note the dots of sriracha.

Tonight’s Double-Fisting Happy Hours.

EVENING. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

1. The Dancing Crab: 2 for 1 domestic beers; 4:30 – 7:30 PM

2. Meeting Place:  Buy 1 get 1 free drinks; 4:00PM – 7:00PM

4. Black’s Bar & Kitchen: Buy 1 get 1 free oysters, $2.75 Miller Lite; 4:00PM – 7:00PM

The Le Corbusier LC-2, Remix.

[MANUFACTURER. GMT-4 WASH DC]

 Original Le Corbusier LC-2 chair by Pierre Jeanneret & Charlotte Perriand. Retail: $4,160.

Knock Off Baxton Studios Chair by Target. $509.99

OCEAN. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

I went to a bar in Los Angeles for a party held in honor of a friend who quit his job and required celebration. Essentially an unemployment party. Despite having no replacement job lined up, we all were aligned on the simple concept supporting the pure unadulterated American freedom of unbarring one’s soul from the putrid shackles of rolling calls and re-stocking copiers. Needless to say, drinks were not on him.

A former colleague of his approaches and proceeds with the following bar-game: What 10 countries only have 4 letters? I sort out seven, missing Mali, Oman, and Togo. In all fairness, Mali and Togo are Republics and Oman is a Sultanate state. Plus, I forgot about them.

Next question. What are the 5 oceans? Easy. Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic… Arctic… Mediterranean is a sea. Great lakes are well, lakes. Southern Ocean? What? Whatever the Indian Ocean should be a sea anyway. No I’m not discouraged. It’s just an antarctic convergence zone for Christ sake.

SPIT. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

If you drop a penny from the top of the empire state building:
You can kill a man.

If you spit off the top of the empire state building:
You can kiss a man, with your mouth rain.

LEISURE. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

UNCOMFORTABLE TRAVEL, MADE LEISURELY:

1. Flying economy, for an 11 hour flight.

Washington DC to Moscow. 2010.

2. Un-airconditioned taxi bus, that needs new brakes.

Jamaica. 2012.

3. Taking the metro during rush hour.

Paris. 2008.

4. A six hour train ride.

Scandinavia. 2006.

5. Getting around unpaved country roads.

Southern Virginia. 2010.

AUDIBLE SONG. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

In Luray Caverns, Virginia – they have an organ rigged as a player piano. The notes are cued up to ping on certain stalactites to create a song.

Here’s a short video of one of the songs:

DIE. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

You are what you eat?

PLASTERING. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

I’ll say it once
I’ll say it again
I’ll say it a few times
I’ll say it several more times
Have you gotten it yet?

Now you think of it in the shower
You think of it on your way to work
While in the grocery store
What was that again?
Why did you have to tell me
How could you forget.

Let me remind you
While driving
Or taking public transport
Or watching your stories
Or listening to other songs
You hate that you know it
It’s stuck
As it should be.

Thank goodness it’s gone now.

PLASTERING. Bonus Video!

PRETEND BUILD. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

SCARE. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

CHAMPION. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

Events that I’ve won– that bring more shame than fame:

1. Best In Show, dog costume, dachshund on Radio-Flyer© (modified to hotdog bun). 1995.

2. Most Shots (without shaking), of espresso. 2002.

3. Least Eaten, turkey leg, Disneyworld Orlando. 2003.

4. Fastest Group, hog wrangled in mud, Wyoming. 2005.

5. Most items amended to animal-style, In-And-Out Burger. 2008.

PATTERN. [GMT-4 WASH DC]

Warhol meets Gursky.