Wednesday eating lunch Thursday
Friday visiting friends Saturday
read in bed Sunday fall asleep.
Monday awake Tuesday
plan your day
Wednesday take a break Thursday
Friday cook some dinner Saturday
TV shows Sunday go to bed.
Monday alarm clock Tuesday
Wednesday bring in food Thursday
Friday takeout Saturday
make love Sunday kiss goodnight.
What you wear is how you express yourself to the world. Here are some ways to enhance your sexual desirability, as well as communicate your sense of self.
Plaid: You were an ugly duckling who wore your older sister’s Siouxsie and the Banshees t-shirt to bed. You enjoy wearing greasy sweatpants in your leisure time and feel an affinity for the outdoors. Wear plaid to make known your folksy mid-western origins, buffalo plaid if you are a hipster from 2008.
Paisley: You are one of two things: a hopeless romantic or a shlub who has rifled in your papa’s wardrobe.
If the former is true, work those two-tone wingtips sockless and tie that paisley ascot tight because making your superiority known is not a cake walk—don’t forget to cuff your chinos so as to avoid the filth black-splash of the common man.
If the latter is true, chest hair is best hidden from the light of day, so button up your top buttons and un-pop your collar, please. You look like the nostalgic disco-king cashier from Bangalore I saw at the Hudson News in Penn Station, and I am not taking any of your guff today, mister.
Houndstooth: You see yourself as down-to-earth and are usually disinterested in fashion, perhaps even disdainful. Your houndstooth scarf is the one article of clothing you have deemed “arty” and feel compelled to wear on a day trip to NYC to blend in with the locals. Please wear this print in neon colors and on hoodies if at all possible. Wearing a neon houndstooth hoodie would be best for those trying to avoid you.
Floral: You are thrilled this print is back in vogue, as once again you have the opportunity to emulate your favorite tv sitcom actresses, that girl in Blossom and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Drop that spade and brush the vermiculite out of your hair—the terrarium-planting can wait. You are carefree and should take some time to bathe in the sun and down a pitcher of Crystal Light as you thumb through your vintage copy of Mrs. Dalloway