LARGE. [GMT+8 HONG KONG]

Posted: May 3rd, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

King size


LARGE. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: May 3rd, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

SCRIPT FOR “BIN LADEN 2.0: THE RETURN” TRAILER

FADE IN:

Somber traditional JAPANESE MUSIC plays.

The sun rises over the Pacific ocean.

“WISE” JAPANESE MONK
There can only be so much death…

NEWS REPORTER
The death toll from the quake in Japan has risen
yet again…

News images of the tsunami disaster. Buried cities. People displaced, sick and hungry.

“WISE” JAPANESE MONK
Until life begins, once again, to prevail.

NEWS REPORTER #2
…Nucleur power plant, radiation seeping into
The ocean.

Images of emergency radiation rescue workers in full suits and masks. Other people rebuilding houses.

NEWS REPORTER
…Rebuilding the city.

NEWS REPORTER #3
…Stopping that radiation.

A helicopter flying over the ocean’s surface. A ship.

Cool water pours out of DECORATIVE POTS over a body. The music becomes traditional MIDDLE EASTERN and CREEPY.

NEWS REPORTER #4
We’re coming to you live where the President has
made a special announcement…

The body is carefully wrapped in three pieces of cloth.

The body lies on automated table, which begins rotating with a ROBOTIC NOISE. A holographic bright-green compass floats over the table, the degrees changing as the body rotates. The rotating stops as the head points toward 79 degrees. The word MECCA flashes at the top of the body’s head.

NEWS REPORTER #4
He has just stated that Osama Bin Laden is dead.
Yes, we have confirmed, Osama Bin Laden is
DECEASED.

The body is lowered into the ocean via one of those hammock things. You know, like in Jurassic Park when they lowered that cow into the raptor enclosure. You know, one of those things. Helicopters fly overhead.

NARRATOR
AFTER A SERIES OF TRIALS AND
TRIBULATIONS…

The water engulfs the body, bubbling over the cloth as if boiling it as it enters.

NARRATOR
THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE SAFE…

The peaceful ocean. Americans (fat, white) smiling, waving American flags. Crowds of college kids rejoicing outside the White House and in Times Square.

EXT. LAFAYETTE SQUARE—NIGHT

Some COLLEGE GUY walks with a few friends next to a GREEN PEACE DUDE holding a clipboard.

GREEN PEACE DUDE
We’re worried about the increasing radiation levels
from the nuclear reactors in Japan, which could effect
the world’s fish population—

COLLEGE GUY
Who cares dude? Osama’s dead! Nothing matters
anymore!

The college kid grabs the good looking girl next to him and passionately kisses her. Everybody around them goes, “Woooo!”

COLLEGE GUY #2
Dude, that’s your sister!

COLLEGE GUY
Who cares!

They high five.

EXTREME CLOSE UP and FREEZE ON THE HIGH FIVE. BLACK AND WHITE. FADE TO BLACK.

NARRATOR
BUT THEY NEVER COULD HAVE
PREDICTED…

The Atlantic ocean….

NEWS REPORTER
Increasing radiation levels…

NEWS REPORTER #2
INCREASING radiation levels…

A fishing boat rocks gently somewhere in the Atlantic. A FISHERMAN sits down on the deck, and bites into a fast food cheeseburger, the to-go bag lying next to him.

NARRATOR
THAT THE LARGEST SECURITY
THREAT TO THE UNITED STATES…

He bites into the burger, and some KETCHUP squirts into his LEFT EYE. As he wipes it off with his hand, the boat begins to shake and he hears a rumble.

NARRATOR
HAD JUST…

He turns around slowly to see something huge RISING out of the water.

NARRATOR
GOTTEN….

He looks up.

NARRATOR
LARGER.

It’s a gigantic Osama Bin Laden soaring above the boat. Lasers shoot out of his red eyes, his turban robotically spinning on his head.

OSAMA 2.0
That beef… is not… HALAL!!!

Osama leans into the boat, and the fisherman SCREAMS as he is engulfed by Osama’s massive beard, a hopeless abyss of hair which swallows up the boat.

SCREEN GOES TO BLACK.

INT. PENTAGON—NIGHT

DAVID PETRAEUS looks around the boardroom.

GENERAL PETRAUS
Gentleman, we have only one option if we
want to destroy this monster…

INT. LABORATORY—DAY

HOT SCIENTIST
Are you ready, Mr. President?

BARACK OBAMA lies on a hospital bed.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY—DAY

Obama smiles. Clouds seem to fly past his face. He looks down.

He towers over the New York skyline. He looks at the camera.

OBAMA
Now this is a big fuckin’ deal.

FADE TO BLACK


LARGE. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: May 3rd, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

This woman sat next to me in the station and asked me how to get to Columbus Circle. I shrugged and then was taken aback by her hair: a massive poof teased and hairsprayed to perfection, her balding scalp sheltered by a crown of cotton-like fuzz, her red, veiled scalp peeking through at the world around her.


LARGE. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: May 3rd, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

THE BIGGEST FACTS ON THE UNITED KINGDOM

Most Popular Tourist Attraction: Tower of London

Most Popular Beer: Fuggles and Goldings Ale

Biggest Debt (Current): £875.8 billion, 58% of National GDP, Net debt £2,252.1 billion or 149.1%

Largest Protests: Anti-Iraq War w/750,000 (2003), Social Spending Cuts w/500,000 (2010).

Longest Running TV Show: Strictly Come Dancing (1949-Present)

Biggest Pop Star: Robbie Williams

Most Famous Comedian: Stephen Fry

Most Popular Underage Page 3 Girl: Samantha Fox

Most Prescribed Medicine: Simvastatin, 37.3 (mio items sold)

Largest Native Animal: Red Deer

Largest Mythical Animal: Loch Ness Monster

Current Top Billboard Song: “The Flood” by Take That

Biggest Natural Disasters: London Tornado of 1091, Great Storm of 1703, and the 1884 Colchester Earthquake.