ABOVE. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 30th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

The Visit: Part 3

She now had her arm around his shoulder. The tension in here: getting a little ridiculous.
“Are you hungry?”
Charles was starving, but still reeling from the drug(s). “No.”
“I could go for a burger.”
Suddenly he was back at the Happy Burger, this long list of ingredients sitting in front of him and Emily: buffalo mozzarella, fresh thyme, flax seed, all for show. The weed, in this case, an acting time machine.
“I want a veggie burger,” she said.
“And bacon,” on instinct, came from his mouth. But these two things were forbidden from one another. The veggie burger was fixed permanently to its vegetable companions in the mind of Happy Burger. “No,” was the answer from the clerk. Emily led Charles to the kitchen.
“Excuse me,” she said to the cooks. “The guy in front says we can’t have bacon on our veggie burger.” They would have answered her if she‘d asked a question. “Who’s to say what toppings can go on what kind of burger? It’s not the end of the world. We can all get along here!” Six minutes later they were eating it right in front of that dumb clerk’s dumbfounded face.
“I can get you something to eat,” he said. “I have some food in the place, the room.”
“The kitchen?”
“Yes.”
She was so smart. He never knew a girl that was as smart as her. As she, he meant.
“You look amazing since you’ve dumped me.” It just came out. “Did you do something with your hair?”
“No, I started working out.”
“Oh.” Weird.
“Just kidding.”
He couldn’t imagine her sweating, outside of the bedroom at least. Even then, he was pretty sure it was his sweat. He missed the way her body looked, the way it looked. “You’re so gullible,” she said laughing and smiling, only at him. “Just like before.” God, that smile. She touched his shoulder and blood rushed to his cheeks. Another sweet memory slammed into Charles’ face. God, this girl. Another memory. She’s got to get out. She’s got to get out of here. If I can’t have her right now, he thought, she’s got to get out of here.
Her hand ran up to his skin, she leaned in, and she kissed him. Feelings foreign to his body slid from his toenails up to the top of his head, and he lifted off the ground. They floated three feet in the air over the couch, holding each other’s hands. Shot out of a rocket. They were perfect. They were still perfect.
“We should try again,” she said.
Charles’ vision wobbled into place. “Please leave.” He quickly stood and showed her the door. She got up, her mouth still quivering from the kiss, and left her old apartment—her old apartment—more quietly than when she entered it many months ago. He waited awhile after she was gone, ate only rice for dinner, and it fulfilled him. Thankfully he didn’t accidentally give up the rice cooker.

THE END.


ABOVE. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 30th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

FACT:

above = below


ABOVE. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 30th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

AT THE LONDON ZOO.


SEARCHING. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 29th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning WHAT meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning ARE meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning YOU meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning LOOKING meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning FOR? meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning meaning


SEARCHING. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 29th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

“She’ll be there any minute,” he thinks, as he leaps up the steps, two at a time. He catches his foot at the top of the second flight and nearly face-plants into the wall. He recovers from the trip up and takes a second to lift his shirt off his sweaty chest and winces as the back of his shirt, flapping loose, cool and wet before, now plasters to his body. His lanky frame flies up the stairs. He fumbles for his keys and struggles with the lock like a soon-to-be-bludgeoned poor soul in a B-Horror. “Is it left on the top or the bottom?” He finally manages and upon entering, zips open his fly in the hall, only just vaguely concerned that his roommates might be around. He takes a moment in the bathroom to collect himself. “Change of clothes. Polo, not button-down.”


SEARCHING. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 29th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

EMPTY LIVING ROOM.

Along with my four international flatmates (Germany, Lithuania, Tanzania, Cyprus), we unanimously decide not to give a shit about the wedding.


CORRECTION. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 28th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

There are no wise men
With long beards sitting
Cross-legged.

They’ve all been jailed
For they know more
Than others:

A ripping, a ribbed
Mind opening, true
Spinal chills:

A man who knew
The reason for living
Wouldn’t be still.

He’d be twitching,
As epileptics do, as
Madmen will.


CORRECTION. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 28th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »
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IF IT AREN’T BROAK DUNT FICKS IT.

IF IT ARE NOT BROOK DUNT FUCK IT.

IF IT OR NOT BRICK DONT FIXE IT.

IF IT AIN’T BREAK DON’T FIX IT.

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CORRECTION. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 28th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »


ATMOSPHERE. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 27th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

Target Brand Incense Sticks.

7100 Santa Monica Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA


ATMOSPHERE. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 27th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »


Little Branch Bar

West Village, New York

Less effective themes:

1) Ozark Meth Lab

2) Steam-Punk Outhouse

3) University Library Quiet Room


ATMOSPHERE. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 27th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

After Party of the Sony World Photography Awards.
House/Trendy Pop ambiance provided by automated sound board and Lucozade Sport.


INSIDER. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 26th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

INSIDER TIPS FROM FRIENDS

RETAIL WORKER (Sister): It’s important in retail to look open, friendly, and available, so if you’re literally smiling all the time, you’ve won half the battle. (Don’t take Ben too seriously as his sister. He’s mostly bullshitting. Feel free to make fun of him all the time, not only because he usually returns the favor, but because it just feels good.)

HAIR STYLIST (Roommate): If you’d like a flat look to your hair, don’t be afraid to throw on a beanie for awhile after you get out of the shower. (Ben says a lot of funny stuff in the apartment, but he’s pretty quiet, so encourage him say it all louder because otherwise nobody will hear it.)

ANIMATOR (Close Friend): At first you may think that you can cloister yourself in a room and still maintain success, but a large part of the job is babysitting clients and making sure they are happy, so don’t neglect focusing on sociability as well. (Don’t take advantage of Ben’s kind nature, or you might squeeze it out of him one day.)

PRODUCTION COORDINATOR (Girlfriend):  Stay absurdly organized: folders, subfolders, labels. Changes will come without warning and priorities will shift rapidly. The only way you’ll be ready to keep up with them is if you know where everything is. (Make sure to have patience if you’re Ben’s girlfriend. Accept that he marches to the beat of his own drum to the fullest, and you end up loving him for the things that frustrate you the most.)

UNEMPLOYED (Old Friend): Create a routine out of looking for jobs and whittle it down to about an hour a day. This way you won’t feel guilty about being lazy, but you’ll know exactly when you need to be putting in the effort. Also, drink plenty of water. (You don’t need any tips for being old friends with Ben.)


INSIDER. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 26th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

SIGNS OF LIFE

Several snapshots taken of the residence of our subject, James Wang, age 25, will be presented and commented on below. Said images will serve to inform you, dear Reader, of Mr. Wang’s lifestyle, demeanor, and interests, the importance of which extends only so far as to gain an understanding of the subject’s existential contradictions and perhaps even unmitigated moral deficiencies.

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Try as he might to evade the consequences of his emotional food binges, he  can still use his fat folds as a beer koozie. The positioning of barbells in front of the mirror may suggest some degree of health consciousness, though upon closer inspection, it can be seen that the floor is littered with crisps.

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Notice his socks and shoes strewn across the floor. The haphazard array indicates a sense of urgency, perhaps inspired by the ingestion of leftover Thai noodles from two days prior. The shadow of an unknown passerby is evidence of easy access to individual quarters, with a total disregard for privacy and ownership—a sign of possible communist affiliation.

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Here, a selection of reading material is presented alongside a Donna Summer’s Greatest Hits cassette tape. A quick glance will reveal titles such as Just Kids by Patti Smith, The Naked Civil Servant by sodomite Quentin Crisp, Chronicle of a Plague, Revisted by Andrew Holleran, Songs of Myself by Walt Whitman, and The 100 Deadliest Karate Moves. If any more must be said, it is that effeminacy in a young male is surpassed only by the treachery of poor taste.

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Displayed on the wall are several mounted insects. The fixation with arthropods is not easily interpreted, nor is the reckless positioning of said displays around an active electrical outlet. For a minute, set aside the implications this has on his IQ and think now about the commonalities of the assorted phyla. All the creatures share the phenomenon of metamorphosis and dramatic transformation from juvenile to adult. If I may venture a guess, I would say the fetishization of these animals indicates a need to numb the looming fear of death and mortality with images of endless propagation and flux, a desire to escape some reality of human existence, or more accurately, to find a new lease on life in continuous change and progression to the next level, one in which our subject is not himself.

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In this final frame we see the nest and resting place. The piling of clothes and unmade bed bring to mind the image of a badger’s den. Like the beast, our subject revels in his filth (one can see remains of a morning meal on the rug) and has a state of entropy for his normal disposition. In spite of professional and unbiased analysis of the facts, it must be conceded that the above images provide only one dimension of the subject—indeed, with the schizophrenic, one may only see one man at a time among other faces—but let it be known that this livelihood, if it can be called as such, is rumored to be quite common in some parts of the coastal states with dense pockets in urban centers. Beware, Reader!


INSIDER. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 26th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

ANOTHER USELESS DAY, TOWARDS A USELESS DEGREE. PART I.

On her way into uni, Evelyn grabs a six-pack of Stella and summons her mate from Austria, Christoff. They got on immediately upon meeting each other and are synonymous with being late and/or arriving hungover. Fortunately their studios are next to each other, which allows for ample distractions. They take the four-story hike past three roofs until they land on the top of the university. They had planned at some point to start a garden, but after being banned from the roof, they nixed it.

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Cracking open a bottle, they cheers a chin chin and sit with their backs against a smokestack. Evelyn is rolling bits of asphalt between her fingertips, eyes closed toward the sky as she takes a sip. The fourth roof is their solace, surrounded only by the wind, the sometimes grey skies, and plastic pigeon-deterrent owls. Their routine allows them to address the philosophy and conflicts of the day, levels upon levels of non sequiturs that are always entirely brilliant. Gossip.

“I just don’t get how a man eight years my senior could have such awful social skills.“
“Well, he is a writer.”
“So?”
“You know, spent time at the alone, typing. Alone. Give the man a break.”
“Bitch, please. He’s a total PP.”
“Yeah, sounds like it, I guess.”

Because this is so often an occurrence, they have set up terminology to describe these types of adolescent grown men. “Pedomorphosis Phenotypes” (PP), which is essentially having juvenile behavior as an adult. But PP sounds more sophisticated.

With the devoured six-pack and a sigh, they rise and take the four-story descent to the studios below. The air is heavy, seems like toxins; toxins from spray paint, resin, and carcinogenic wood trimmings. And yet in all, it commands comfort and demands creativity. Today’s insider challenge: “Inject euphemisms without addressing it.”
C: The long silver blade slides into the spread, which glistens in contrast to the several pieces stacked beneath its underside.

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E: The difference is that in Eduard Manet’s painting “In the Conservatory,” the umbrella laying idle on the woman’s lap is pointing to the man’s protrusion in her personal space, him being up against the vertical bars separating their legs.

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C: This reminds me of action painting, or gestural abstraction, which required the artist to dribble, smear, and spray his explosion of paint onto the white canvas laying below.

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E: Losing interest in your artwork once it’s finished is like a relationship: The chase is the most exciting part, and then you get bored with it once you’ve figured it out.

Visiting Lecturer: Maybe in YOUR relationships.

E: Excuse me?


BOREDOM. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 25th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

THE PRETENTIOUS & MORBID HOUSEFLY: PART I: ENNUI.

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Je suis une mouche s’ennuyer.

L’ennui du quotidien.
Je suis noir, comme mon âme.
Mes yeux peuvent être composés.
Mais mon cœur est brisé.

Je vomis à manger.
Puis s’envoler.
Car je suis une mouche.
Sur un autre morceau de détritus.

Quand sera la fin?
Quand vais-je prendre mon dernier souffle?
Vous pouvez squash mon corps,
Mais mon âme est déjà mort.

Je suis une mouche s’ennuyer.


BOREDOM. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 25th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

BODY LANGUAGE EXHIBITED DURING BORING CONVERSATION

1. yawns

2. twiddling thumbs

3. shoulder-surfing

4. restless feet

5. vacant stares

7. chewing fingernails

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN BORING CONVERSATION

1. dreams

2. daily work happenings

3. children

4. pets

5. food descriptions

6. habits of significant other

7. sports


BOREDOM. [GMT-8 LOS ANGELES]

Posted: April 25th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

THE RICH & DUMB BEVERLY HILLS BEE: PART I: LIKE, SO WHAT.

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I’m like a totally bored Beverly Hills bee.

Today is like shaw, blasé.
I am totally wicked tan, as my dermatologist totally recommended a sweet UV sunless tanner.
Sunglasses by Michael Kors, lenses by Frequency 55 Multifocal, and the lashes are actually D’Lashes by Dionne Phillips.
But my heart is totally on fi-ah from that gnarly wasabi truffle couscous!

I totally used to be bullemic.
But now I just like leave the table.
Because I’m a B to the Hizzache bee.
Livin’ on another totally sick ass mansion.

When will my trust fund run out?
Like when will I stop using my American Express?
You can try to decline my credit.
But Daddy will always totally give me new platinum.

I’m like a totally bored Beverly Hills bee.


COLORING. [GMT+1 LONDON]

Posted: April 24th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

TODDLER’S FIRST MARXIST COLORING BOOK: PROLETARIAT.


COLORING. [GMT-4 NEW YORK]

Posted: April 24th, 2011 | Author: | No Comments »

CHILDREN AT RISK FROM BRIGHTLY COLORED PILLS

(FDA Patient Safety News, Nov 2003)

generic name/indication/side effects

(from left to right)

column 1: quetiapine/anti-psychotic/dry mouth, weight gain, increased cholestrol

column 2: levothyroxine/hypothyroidism/heat intolerance, hair loss, cardiac arrest

column 3: warfarin/anticoagulant/stroke, anemia, gastrointestinal bleeding

column 4: diltiazem/hypertension/edema, headache, palpitations